I should stop playing old music.....

Someone should really take away half my music collection. Every time I sit down and listen to songs I haven't heard in a long time I start digging up memories that really should stay burried. Never fails, with the memories comes the questions.......

Tonight an 80s song, one of my favorites actually, sent me off in a serious of questions and pondering some issues. "Every Rose Has It's Thorn" came out years before I was even old enough to date, but even so it was a song that held a lot of meaning to me because it reminded me of my first true love. The one in high school I fell very hard for, and thought about him every day even years after we had "split up for good". I moved on with someone else and had a son, he moved on with someone else and had a son, but every time I heard that song I thought of him.  By some stroke of luck when things between my son's father and I had gotten very very bad, we ran into eachother. Both of us thought we would never see eachother again, but fate had a different plan.

It didn't take us long to fall back into old times, and there we were just like we were in high school. Two people that had previously swore off marrage and real romance getting married just 2 months after "getting back together", then having a daughter 8 months later.

But times changed. Divorce came just after my daughter turned a year old.  I have to wonder if we got married because we had sworn 6 years before when we were just kids that we would. Or was it an attempt to have that fairy tale ending? Did we push fate just a bit? He seems like a completely different person now, nothing like what I knew. Maybe I just saw him for what he really was........something I just ignored or didn't want to see before. Even still it seems he acts differently towards me now. Why I can't say.

I can at least say I don't wonder "what might have been" - already found that out the second time around.

Release Date for new CD

I love my local radio station. Little information released that is NOT on their website, but I actually have - the debute CD of Future Leaders of the World ("Lvl 4" is the name of the CD) is set to release August 17th. They sure are cutting their promotion short - we've known about the upcomming debute CD of Alter Bridge (One Day Remains) for several weeks now and that CD releases just a week before on August 10th. Ah well, important thing is we now know the date! YES!
 
 

Yet another sign of fate

Sitting here fixing a few typos I caught from last night's entry, and sure enough that song comes on the radio - "Here Without You" . Which the typo I noticed were in the lyrics of that song (that will teach me to take a short cut and copy the lyrics from somewhere else - I always wonder how the heck these people get the words WRONG more often than right).
 
Still waiting anxiously to see what happens tomorrow, and if my special someone happens to drop by. Time will tell, but I'm really hoping he does. Even if he doesn't well that's ok I'll understand. Physical separation right now might be a good thing.
 
~Kara 

I Believe In Fate....

It's been quite awhile since  I could say that. So much has happend in the past year, shaking my believes to the very core. Tearing apart everything that held me together. But now......oh now.....
 
Earlier this month I had a dream. It was about the certain someone I had been somewhat envolved with for a very short time, but known for years. What we had I felt was cut short, and why I write about him often here because he is still very much on my mind. So about this dream....it was set in high school and my mom's old house where I grew up (comfort zones). My special someone is making sly passes at me every time he walks by. Like grabing my hand briefly and running his hand across my sholders as if to take me in his arms but not stopping to do so.
 
I believe the main point of this dream was to confirm my doubts of if he still cares for me or not. The sly passes told me he does. So what does this have to do with fate? Well while talking about this dream with my mom in the car earlier this week (or was it last week? Not important.....), a song comes on the radio. The name of the song is "Here Without You" by 3 Doors Down.  I've listened to this song quite a bit lately, because the words hold a lot of meaning to me right now and just fit the situation. The words are as follows:
 
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder
And I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
They disappear now when I’m dreaming of your face

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it’s only you and me

The miles just keep rolling as the people don't even waite to say hello
I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it’s all said and done
It get hard but it won’t take away my love

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me
 
 
So yes I found it odd that this particular song, one I've been listening to for weeks while I've been thinking about him just "happend" to come on while talking about a DREAM no less I had about him. Coincedence maybe, I wasn't completely convinced and didn't fully believe in Fate just yet.
 
Then there was yesterday. I got an email from him in the morning just before I headed to Walmart. Nothing unusual, he emails me often. I emailed him back and ran off to lunch then to Walmart. Being one that is not fond of cell phones in public places, I left my phone in the car like I always do. After lunch I look and there's 2 missed calls with no number on the caller ID. Could it have been him? I'm thinking it was, but wasn't sure. I don't bother to find out because if it was I know he'll call back later. We get to Walmart and after a little while who should I see? Yup - it's him. I can't believe I've ran into him like this. He states he just tried to call me (and when I left I realise he tried to call a 3rd time just minutes after I had gotten out of the call and went into Walmart).  Now WHAT are the chances of THAT? Him trying to call 3 times missing me every time, then running into him in person. FATE.
 
Even still for the last few weeks I've been out of my mind trying to figure out WHAT is going through his mind, WHY he is still talking to me even though it was his decision for us not to be together right now (for reasons I understand). I over analysed it, because tonight I flat out asked what was going on. His response - he wants to be with me and has feelings, but doesn't know what to do with the situation he's in. He still wants to talk to me I think for that reason. Maybe for a "back up" or so that we don't get lost again - ok no problem I understand that. I may not waite, or I might decide to. Only time will tell. All I know for now I'm happy. Oh, and another twist of fate tonight right after I hung up the phone after talking to him, I turn on the radio and playing is song that we had been talking about. I had told him earlier this week it was a good song he needed to hear, and he mentioned to me yesterday he still hadn't heard it. Funny there it was on tonight right after I was done talking to him. FATE.
 
So there it is. I believe again. Now soul mates and true love, well that's going to take a bit of time still....
 
~Kara

Another Day

Another day, much like the rest. Thoughts of CDs that I *must* get soon, memories from the past (yikes I knew better than to listen to music from high school - good new CD Stone Temple Piolets put out though with their greatest hits), and that certain someone still on my mind. Didn't help matters that I just "happend" to run into him today at the store. Thankfully this time he was alone, so we chatted for awhile. Oddly enough he'd just tried to call me (so that's who those 3 missed calls where on my phone) when we saw eachother. Of all the people to see - there he was. I had just been talking about him too. Funny how things work out like that. Kinda like the other day when I had been talking about a dream I had of him, then by some chance "Here Without You" came on the radio (there is a line in the chorus that says "Your still with me in my dreams, and tonight it's only you and me").  I wonder if all these little signs are suppose to make me believe in fate again. I use to, but wow after all the crap that happend with my ex honestly I really don't know. I thought we were fate, but obviously that wasn't true. Maybe it was, but just in a learning sort of way - to learn from my mistakes and whatnot. My head is starting to hurt again.
 
Either way this must be love because I feel like hell right now without him. Now if I only knew how to get him back.........
 
~Kara 

Love truely is a game

I've played over the events with a special someone over and over in my head trying to make sense of it all. The only thing I succeed in doing is giving myself a headache and making it even more confusing. Once in awhile I stop to ponder what happend to the girl years ago that would change men more often then filling up my gas tank in high school. Perhaps significant others where more plentiful back then, or maybe things were just a lot less serious in general. I don't think I really thought about the future too often, knowing I had years to choose my path and run with it. It's possible if I had the resources I did back then I would be the same as I once was, but who really knows.

The only thing that circles my mind now is finding that great love of a lifetime (Isn't that a song? Yeah......I like that song), and loosing myself completely in the magic. Then the familiar phrase "all good thing must come to an end" pops in my mind, and I wonder if I've already had my share of "magic" for this lifetime. How many times do we get to feel like that anyway? That we are safe, and we know in our heart this is the person we never want to spend a second away from.

Why is it our hearts and minds can change so quickly, and we get stuck in a rut? Does the magic always fade and leave us with a jaded outlook on love?

Eh, maybe it's just me and my "do or die" "run with it" personality. I suppose it's possible if I didn't think like that, I would have never felt so high as I did with those I've loved and still be sitting here wondering if true love will ever find me.

*sigh*

~Kara

Future Leaders of the World - New Rock Band

I can't get this band out of my head or their debut song, "Let Me Out". So much passion behind it, and so well written. I am very anxiously awaiting the release (or a release DATE for that matter!!) of their debut CD. I'm very positive it will be just as powerful as the first song, if not MORE. The only information I see on the official website is that it will be released "Fall 2004". UGGGGGHHHHHH! I just hope they give us another song or two to hear on the radio before then, so the radio stations don't over play the song due to all the requests and burn us out on it before the record even hits the stores. Seems like that came VERY close to happening with Seether's re-release of Disclaimer when the radio station started playing "Broken" featuring Amy Lee every other hour. Luckily they backed off at the last minute so that CD is still at the top of my wish list.


~Kara

New Rock

I couldn't hold back anymore. I had to jump into the music world and build a website I was truely passionate about. Well hopefully this one page will hold off the cravings for a full site just until I have a little more time to devote to one. The list is of course no where near complete, and I'm waiting on Amazon to start selling the new Saliva CD and the debut CD of Future Leaders of the World (If you haven't heard their debut song, "Let me Out", I suggest you immediately drop what you are doing and demand your local rock radio station play it - it's just creepy how much the lead singer sounds like Kurt Cobaine).

Anyway, here's the site, enjoy: http://www.spiritualexpression.com/new-rock.html

~Kara