Back Where I Started

It's been a long time since I've posted in this blog, mostly because I really didn't have much to say that didn't fit on the other blog. I'm not one to dive too much into my personal life in public form. Even still, I felt the need to type out some personal stuff. It's not like anyone reads this blog anyway, since it's quite tucked away.

I sat here and read old posts for a bit, because I like to see where I've been before I know where I'm going. The wonderful romance I had just 2 short years ago is gone, which comes at little surprise to me. Nothing lasts forever, right? There's nothing that says it's truly over for good.....except me. I'd rather just pick up the pieces and move on instead of sitting here disappointed every day he doesn't call or come home. It's been over 3 weeks since I last talked to him, despite the fact he says he still cares and will come home eventually. Reality says it's over, time to move on.

Even if he really does come back, who's to say I want him to? How can you have a relationship where one wanders off for several months at a time without any communication? This isn't the first time he's done this, and should I let him back it won't be the last.

I've decided to just put it completely out of my mind because it does me absolutely no good to sulk about it or run events through my mind over and over. Moving on sometimes involves the start of something new, although that's rarely a good idea. Rebound relationships are nothing more than a distraction.

Which I think I've found.

An old flame I talked about years ago here I've recently reconnected with. My intentions are honest, and I don't want a relationship. Company and distraction on the other hand would be perfect. From events in the past I fear he could be looking for more and possibly expecting this to go somewhere, but I just can't let it. It may seem like I'm using him to get over the last relationship, but I hate to think of it that way. Even though he's somewhat done the same to me in the past, two wrongs don't make a right. As long as I'm honest with him and myself, no one can get hurt, right?

Whatever this new "thing" is, it's proving to be just what I needed. Ever since I got the first email back from him, I've been anxiously watching my email waiting for the next. I always did like the "new" feeling and the excitement that goes alone with it. The way your heart races every time you see his name in your inbox or on your phone. The nervousness that comes when you are waiting for him to arrive for a date, or waiting to see what happens next. It's mysterious, exciting, full of hope, and more.

We'll see what comes next. Now excuse me as I go check my email again.....