Feels good not to love

This is something I've been feeling for quite sometime. Not total lack of love for anyone or anything - no no, I'm saying it feels good not to love just one person in particular. For years I loved him, wondered about him and us, cried because he was gone. After so many years, it's dead. Finally! I was just glad it was dead before my new love walked into my life. Otherwise I might wonder if it really was dead or just shifted. Nope, gone. I know this for sure.

Funny how fate works out. The chain of events in my life have so far made sence. Let's just hope this time around I really did find "the one". Sure does seem like it, athough I'm still so very cautious. I've unintentially pushed him away more that once, but he won't budge. Good, I know he's serious about us. He's not giving up so easily. And here we are, just days away from being completely together. He's making some big sacrefices, although blowing them off as nothing. I know better, him living here is going to be a huge change. I mean world turned upside down change. For me...wow. Either he doesn't know what he's getting himself into or he really is devoted. Now let's see if he stays....

Alter Bridge and Crossfade

Today is one of those days that just CAN NOT get any better! I woke up today with a note from my newest special someone that said forget waiting 4 weeks, he's leaving asap to come see me. So all day we've been talking and making plans for next weekend, and that REALLY had me excited. Although a little worried too because of previous relationships and of course the limited time I now have to clean my house. :O

Alright but while talking about these plans and working on websites, I flip the local rock radio station on with hopes I could win some concert tickets. Wouldn't you know less that 20mins after I turn it on, they state they are giving away those exact tickets I've been wanting so very badly. I listen closely, and to win all I had to do was answer a trivia question from their website. WOA! EASY! Thank goodness for cable internet - since I was already sitting here with nervous fingers I quickly typed in their website address and went to where I knew the answer was. THERE IT WAS! Since I've tried to win things from this radio station before the number was in my cell phone. First try, busy. Dang. Second try - I'm in! Believe it or not I GOT THEM!!!!!!!!!! I was as calm as possible as he stated I won tickets to the Crossfade and Alterbridge concert knowing I couldn't sound like a fool on the radio, but as soon as I hung up that phone I SCREAMED. I WON I WON! I GOT THE TICKETS!

Talk about a great day, with even BETTER things to come!

Do we REALLY learn from mistakes?

Do we really learn from our mistakes or are we haunted by them? Do past experiences and problems prevent us from enjoying certain things later on?

So what brought this up? Well pretty simple really. Here I've been going on about this special someone and enjoying myself, yet I'm haunted by past relationships gone horribly wrong. So very afraid I will be hurt so badly that I won't be anything anymore. I was dead once, I really was. So dead, so empty, so nothing. Now that I'm myself again, something I haven't been able to say in a very long time, I'm terrified that if I allow myself to fall too deep in love that the same thing will happen. If it does, I'm not so sure I could handle it this time. It could be the final breaking point for me. The last time around, I was so numb that there were days I couldn't even move at all. Literally could not move. I fear that if I were to go through that again well it really would kill me.

Standing on the edge of reality and dream, afraid to move forward and afraid to go back.

Romance is wonderful, isn't it?

Yes I'm about to ramble out my love again, because he's about all that's on my mind lately. Has been the perfect destraction from business, even though my mind really should be more on business right now.

But at this minute, I don't care. I just want to shout "I've found the one!". We had a discussion the other day about soul mates, something in which he believes in and well I was begining to believe in again. His belief is we are, and you know I think I agree. Of course the thought of "hey, new loves are always full of passion and hope, but the real test comes later on". Sure that's true, but wow why miss the fun? The excitement of seeing them every day and wondering what's next? Even still I have such a good feeling about him. He makes me so happy whenever I talk to him and I just can't find a thing that doesn't make us a perfect match. Just because I've had two very disasterous relationships with people that turned out not to care so much doesn't mean that this one will work out the same way. Surely there is a match for everyone. How could there not be? When so much emphasis is put on finding that perfect mate, how could we possibly be sent to walk the earth without there being that mate?

Well, I guess even still we will see, but for now I've let myself fall into the moment and believe that fate has brought me my soul mate. :)